Saturday, December 15, 2012

is it always greener on the other side?

Ever had a great idea in your head only to realize later that it wasn't such a good idea after all?

A couple of months ago I played around with the idea of quitting my job as a teacher to work at home.. I laid down all possible avenues of things I could do - write (books!), give tuition.. As you can see, I so can't run away from `teacher' duties.. :p

Anyway, that fantasy of mine ended as soon as it begun.. When I started imagining a life without teaching it made me realize how I couldn't leave it. And that's only what 13 years has done to me.. 

Now, since the holidays.. again I have been sucked into yet another temporary reality of mine - the one where I get to stay at home and actually be a full time housewife.. Of course this only happens during long school holidays. Going crazy with baking cupcakes has made me start thinking that, yes, I can do this. I can make a living out of it. I can sell cupcakes! 

And so as mentioned in my previous post, I have been on a baking spree trying out different recipes and also trying to make that one perfect cupcake... 

I may have achieved my goal since I got my first order yesterday! 50 cupcakes! (this happened after a dear friend tasted that `perfect' cupcake..)

As much as this is exciting news, now I'm starting to wonder if I can take this up.. even if as just a side business. Like seriously do this. Having time on my hands this holiday helps I guess, but I'm not so sure once I start work again. Gosh, even now, I'm procrastinating on marking the 31 scripts tucked away in my bag....

So before I go and buy that new oven I've always wanted and daydream of having a cupcake business.. I think I'll just take baby steps first and start with the 50 I'll need to deliver next week.

Wish me luck! ;)

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

in a relationship

Tis been a week of this glorious holiday and I'm here once more to do what I like.. write :)

Highlights of my hols is of course spending time with my daughter.. She's going to be 15 months soon Alhamdulillah and such a joy! Growing a lot of teeth now and is demanding too. Still trying to work out how to handle her little tantrums.. You'd think a 1 year old would be incapable of all that but she surprises me everyday.

Have also been able to catch up on some reading. Once you get hold of a good book... there's nothing better than to curl up with it.

And I have been obsessed with baking too. It's ridiculous cuz all I can think of lately is trying different recipes.. I'm now in a relationship with cupcakes! So far have baked over 60 cupcakes in 4 different flavours!.. There's something soothing about baking.. I've always loved it.. and I came across this quote that probably sums up why:
 

"Writing is like baking cupcakes, you're trying to make something from the raw. Like with cupcakes it's flour and eggs and stuff, and with books it's ideas and words. The end result is the same though, you want people to eat them up.

Till another time then people.. Be safe, be happy :)

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I can live without you

You must be reading this because of the title. Spoiler ahead- it's not what you think.. ;)

If you listen to a lot of love songs, there's always a line that goes like.. `I can't breathe without you', or `I can make it without you, but my mouth is lying'.... and you know the rest probably. If you've ever had your heart broken you surely can relate.. But I assure you life will go on. And you will still breathe even if your heart has been smashed into a million pieces.

Anyway.. am  here to share something much simpler than that.

You see a habit I have to end a long day at work  is to spend a few hours (read: 1 or 2 hrs only) in front of the telly. But since Astro decided to bar us for paying the bill late we've had to resort to the `normal' channels and watch what's there.. It's not so bad actually (though sometimes a little boring what with endless ads). This situation has led us to conclude that we can do without astro and it's many channels and repetitive programs...  That at least if there's nothing good on (which I find on some days there isn't, ..just like astro) we can still find other things to do besides parked in front of the idiot box..

Which leads us to the title: I can live without you.

I can for many reasons but I may not want to for another load of reasons... It's hard when you're so used to something you'd think that without it you can't function normally. That you're missing out on things.. When all you need to do is just have a little change of perspective.

It's Day 4 of no astro. Yesterday they called to ask me when I'll be paying the bill. I almost told them I won't have to anymore once I terminate the account.. Almost. ;p

 












Wednesday, October 17, 2012

stuck in reverse

There are times when you need to go backwards. In time. When you've taken the wrong exit on the highway. When you've misplaced something and need to retrace your steps, etc, etc.. I'm sure you've done all these at least once in your life.

It's good you know. To look `behind' you; to take a peek at yesterday. Only if you want to learn from these past experiences. Only if you reflect.

It could be the opposite reaction as well. You may get sad, maybe even depressed. For it may have opened up old wounds. Or because what you have in the present may not be as good as what you had in the past. But it's best not to go in that direction. What should be done is know that everything happens for a reason. And what you think was best for you may not have been the best after all...

On the radio this morning it said that people make mistakes all the time. It's inevitable since we are humans. The whole point of it is not to focus on the mistake that was made but what are you going to do about it after making that mistake.The answer is: don't do it again. Vow to be better. Vow to never repeat it. Make things better. 

So if you need to go blasting to the past.. whether to reminisce a good memory or a bad one, take away something from it. Something you can put to good use. Something that will make you a better person.


Monday, October 15, 2012

my hats

One thing I like when going to work is getting a chance to talk with friends. Conversations can vary from the most mundane things like what time did you punch in? to more heavy topics.. After all we're all humans here. Teachers aren't perfect creatures. We have flaws, desires and goals. We lead a life outside of the classroom and put on a different hat of course.

I have a hat I wear with my baby, a hat for beloved hubby and a hat for other parts of life.. but sometimes I wear the same hat regardless of who I'm with and I suppose that's ok. That's what makes you you..

Right now I'm wearing my `I-want-to-write-about-stuff' hat and that's why I'm blogging in the middle of the day...

Ok, gotta run and put on a serious hat to discuss serious matters about student's assessment! :p

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

42

Today marks my parents' 42nd wedding anniversary! A figure I would say, Alhamdulillah, and congratulations for having reached it. At 69 (Mama) and 67 (Papa), they have raised 4 (ehem, beautiful) daughters lovingly and they continue to do so.. I pray they are blessed with health, long life and prosperity and that my sisters and I don't cause them any pain even at the `old age' that we are now ;) We've given them a lot to worry about in the past and now more than ever, we should know better.. Even if we're only human and sometimes do end up crawling back into their arms asking for help :D

My husband and I have made it to 12 years Alhamdulillah and praying for more years to come..;)

Since we're on the topic of marriage, this year has been a year of wedding invitations, some expected, some surprising. It makes me sad to admit that I only managed to make it to maybe just 2 of the weddings I was invited to.. out of like 10! At this age, of course it's not friends who are getting married, but more like students, cousins, etc.. Due to unavoidable circumstances I was forced to miss out on the weddings and if not for facebook, would never get to see the wedding photos and maybe honeymoons! ;)

Marriage is no laughing matter. It's a life you create for yourself. A life with someone you love, someone you want to rely on. It's a bond. A duty. It's what you do because of Him. I am proud of my students (who are still students) who have made the step into the married world and though I worry that they are still young.. (you are young) I would like to believe you made the decision with a clear mind and purpose. And that no matter how young you are, who says it won't work out? Everything boils down to each person in the marriage.. It's something you build together. Make it work.

I could tell you many stories of failed relationships and all but I don't want to burst your bubble.. What I do know is that with love, trust, understanding, tolerance, give and take and your ability to listen to each other and communicate well, InsyaAllah.. all will be well.. Even when children aren't in the picture, life can be bliss. (I had 11 years of a `honeymoon' before our daughter came..)

So, to all those married couples out there, or to future brides and grooms.. I wish you all a happy, loving marriage filled with laughter (you gotta have a sense of humour) and joy and many babies.. Oh, and that's another story- when the babies start coming ;)

It's been a while

Here I am sprawled on the bed keeping vigil watch over a baby who just turned one a week ago and is coughing occasionally in her sleep. Taking care of a sick child can be scary especially when her temperature spikes up and she starts vomiting everything she ate.. Ok enough gory details. This has been going on for 5 days now and I have missed 2 days of work (much to the joy of my students i think).. Was just reading my old posts and I stated once that my students were my life.. I suppose that still is so, but having a child has changed my priorities of course. That goes without saying. But I do try to keep track of some of you reading this.. Here's what I gathered: Some have returned back to study, some are flying off, some are waiting for a ticket, some are busy taking pics of their new moments abroad.. Some are dissecting bodies or travelling the world. Some are beginning their new life as husband and wife.. Some are having babies! And the list goes on. What an interesting bunch of people to keep up with ;) Even though they don't know someone is 'keeping up' with their life.. I guess that's the good thing about technology nowadays.. Or is that a scary thing? ;) Ps/ I'm no stalker...

Thursday, August 16, 2012

I teach you, you teach me

It's close to midnight and if it were a school night I'd be getting myself ready for bed. Or would I? When you have a baby, your sleeping hours aren't really fixed. Since Ramadhan, I feel it is a blessing that I get to wake up at 2 or 3 am to give her milk and also to be able to sit in solitude praying..

I can think of a lot of things to share here today but I may have to wait for another time for those other things.

Right now I'd just like to be thankful for the blessings God has granted me. One of them, is having students who teach me a thing or two.

(of course I do have students who give me heartbreak and pain.... )

Who remind me of good things and who show me good character.

May your life be blessed with Allah's love and grace.

May my daughter one day possess the good qualities to touch people's lives too..

Goodnight and make the most of the remaining days in Ramadan! :)




Saturday, June 9, 2012

one

One more tooth is coming out! (totalling to 6) :D

One week of coughing and sneezing :(

One more week of holiday..... :((

Monday, June 4, 2012

I can, I can, I can

Picking up my habit of reading again this holiday I came across this poem; it's quite long but here's part of it:


If tomatoes wanted to be melons, 
they would look completely ridiculous,
I am always amazed
that so many people are concerned
with wanting to be what they are not;
what's the point of making yourself look ridiculous?

You don't always have to pretend to be strong,
there's no need to prove all the time that everything is going well,
you shouldn't be concerned about what other people are thinking,
cry if you need to,
it's good to cry out all your tears
(because only then will you be able to smile again).

Written by Mitsuo Aida (1924-91), poet & calligrapher.

I can relate to this poem since I often want to be Wonderwoman.. I can't claim myself as one but I sure try to be one. Yet nobody's perfect.. You have to ask for help from people at some point. Like getting a cleaner to tidy up your house. Getting mum to babysit. Calling in sick because you just have to stay in bed. And the list goes on.

Ironically, I adamantly took care of the little one all day yesterday while I coughed, sneezed and sniffled- BIG TIME- when all I wanted to do was lie down under the covers.. But I guess sometimes you just have to be a superwoman.. or do you really? 

What is certain is that my strength comes from Allah. Syukur Alhamdulillah.. May he grant me the strength to endure further obstacles ahead of me.. and to all you readers too.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

holidays

This is the last day of May and my 6th day of holidays. 
My daughter is babbling words in her playpen while watching Timmy Time. Adorable :)

I on the other hand have come here to write something profound while one eye is watching over the little one just opposite me.

Nothing is coming out.

But let me just say that blessed am I to be able to enjoy these moments with her in this safe environment right now. And as I read about the children who were massacred in Syria, I send a little prayer for them all that Allah blesses their little souls and may they rest in peace. 




Friday, May 4, 2012

of my baby and my students..

This time I'm not going to declare my intentions to write and how much I will write because it is pretty clear that these days, I can't promise things like that anymore.. :D

The urge to blog has been strong lately and ironically now I'm here I haven't a clue what to share. Or maybe I do..

My baby continues to amaze me everyday. The fact that her first word was `Mama' is a start. And maybe since she now has 4 cute tooths at the age of 7 months (people say this is not common..). She laughs at my funny faces (thank God it works), has more vocabulary besides `Mama' and is eating as well as taking milk. I still hate leaving her in the morning and wish I could take her to work.. In short, having a child is bliss even though I can't claim to be a hot mama (seriously my dress sense has deteriorated since having her.. it's not as if it was great before her.. haha).. and despite the house being in a topsy turvy state (I need a maid!).. I am blessed, Alhamdulillah :) I just need to take a course in time management :p

Another major thing going on around me now is the IB exams. I've just come to realise this cycle repeating itself. Year in year out. I used to get real sad with the fact that students were leaving the college. I still do, but it's lessened I suppose (don't feel disheartened if you're reading this). I suppose I'm now taking it more sanely. If they come back and say hello it's ok. But if they don't then I still wish them well.. But if course it's undeniable that there will be those who will be ingrained in my memory after they leave.. at least for a while ;) At the end of the day there's always facebook, twitter, etc.. but even so, it's not a guarantee that you'll get a peep out of them...

Nevertheless my dear dear students who have touched my life and maybe still continue to do so, I pray you all are safe and happy, leading a good and meaningful life.. I still see some of you in the faces of others sometimes haha.. and at least we can say, our paths crossed. Maybe they'll cross again..
my angel who just got up..

So what's next?

Till the next post I guess. Hopefully it'll be something much more interesting than what I've shared today :)







Tuesday, March 13, 2012

have you missed me?

Here I am surrounded by 3 sleeping cats and a baby, a mug of tea and the TV blaring the sounds of my daughter's favourite cartoon.. At 6 months you'd never imagine a baby to have preferences! But that she does ;)

I shouldn't claim myself to be a blogger since I've pretty much abandoned this blog for months. Time. Was what I couldn't find to share my musings.. Or time was just used up for other things since the last time I wrote.

It's a one week holiday now and I fantasize that I'll have time to share a thing or two.. But five minutes ago the little one just woke up.. and so.. I gotta run!

So has anybody really missed me here..? I doubt so :p