Friday, July 29, 2011

perempuan

First off, the previous post was written in a moment of weakness :p
I happen to love being a woman. Not only cuz I won't get jeered for wearing pink, but also because I can still be girly even at the age of 40 - which is NOT my age, mind you. Plus the chances of entering Paradise for a woman is easy actually.. if only one knew..

Dari Abdurrahman bin Auf r.a.
bahawa Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda :
"Jika perempuan mengerjakan solat yang lima
puasa Ramadhannya , memelihara kehormatannya
dan taat kepada suaminya maka akan dikatakan kepadanya masuklah ke dalam syurga dari pintu yang mana saja engkau suka
Hadis riwayat Ahmad dan Thabarani

Because it is easier said than done, we falter in our efforts to do this.. But let us mend our ways and strive to always be better every day.




Happy Ramadhan everyone! May we receive blessings from Allah in this holy month and all good things that come from it this year.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

to be a woman

Do you know how hard it is to be a woman?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

first of many firsts

Teaching English A1.
Red velvet cake.
An Indonesian wedding.
Jakarta and it's endless macet moments.
Ultrasound check-up
Baby kicking inside mommy's tummy :)

- just to name a few..

Monday, July 11, 2011

just do it - a confession

There comes a point in one's life that you gotta just throw caution to the wind (read: take a risk) and just do it.
Look around you and tell me how many people you know have done that. See anyone familiar? You, probably?
I think these past few days I've put up several statuses on my fb that kinda hints at how we should take challenges in our life and make something out of it.
Of course it's very easy to cower in a corner and bemoan our fate.. and so it takes a lot of courage to get back up and face the music.. Something which I believe everyone can do, given some time and support.

And so, after 11 years of marriage, I am now finally beginning to open up to doing the one thing I refused to do, only because I wanted to believe that I could do it naturally..,which is, I'm now ready to adopt! :)

I do not want to discuss the struggles I've been through in the process of trying before coming to this decision.. but I just need to sort out the many feelings running through my mind as it has been a week since I made this decision and met the biological mother of my child. Meeting the parents broke my heart.. in ways I didn't think I'd feel..

The reality is that it now has become real. All my husband and I had before this was an image of what we wanted. But now, we are facing it and soon, in a couple of months God willing, we will be parents.

It's scary. On many levels. I know I'm not the one with a pregnant belly to start with, but I now will shoulder the responsibility of raising a kid with my husband.

Don't get me wrong, I want this. It's just that I'm actually dreading the moment I will take away that child from his/her mother and make it my own.. May Allah give me the strength to do it and the mother, the strength to part with her child.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

feeling too much

It started last night, after drinks with a new acquaintance and after reflecting about a change that may happen to my life soon. Then, for some weird reason I started the day today in tears while taking sahur and listening to the zikir on 106. Much later, I shared joy and sorrow over knowing the results of the recent IB exam..

Exploding with feelings.. so much to say..

Will write more once I get my feelings sorted.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

I'm afraid

Been doing a lot of thinking lately and realizing that life is short and all that. Things which didn't matter to me before seem to be a big deal now and I'm seeing things in a different light.. wow, how many cliche phrases did you catch back there? ;)

A lot of things that people don't do is because of fear. Afraid of failing, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing, afraid of what people say, afraid of the truth, afraid of feeling.

Truth is, I'm afraid sometimes. Afraid of all that.

But that's why there's those cliche expressions: Just Do It!, Take a leap of faith, to boldly go where no man(woman) has gone before... :D And.. If you never try you never know, believe in yourself etc..

Then there's also Istikhara - to seek goodness from Allah- because when you're getting all messed up thinking of the what ifs, go back to Him and seek his guidance. Admit it, we are not readers of the future. If we're afraid to decide on something, we should pray, for a better choice:

"O Allah! In Your Knowledge if this action is bad for me, bad for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and whatever is better for me, ordain [destine] that for me and then make me satisfied with it."


May Allah guide me to make the right choices..