Sunday, May 29, 2011

I remember you

Today I was reminded of some people in my life who I seem to have forgotten.
I think we never really forget them but we just place them aside for a while in our minds.

We remember people who have gone from this earth. And then we also remember people who are still around, but whom we may never see again..

11 years. That's how long.

I pray you are safe and well. Living a good life. I pray you will find your way to us once more and that God will guide you on the right path.. I pray you remember us too.

past my bedtime ramblings

Currently 2.30 am on a Sunday morning and am wide awake. Ok well, I'm starting to feel a little drowsy.. Didn't really plan to stay up this late but I suppose since the people in this house seem intent to watch a football match, I have made myself occupied with things to distract me from sleeping.

I've had my share of sleepless nights before. Two years ago when I was finishing up my masters and what feels like a century ago, when I was doing my degree. Last minute work can actually create wonders!

Anyway, this is day 9 of my holiday. And in typical holiday mode, I have spent the first week really just chilling. But I do wish I'd get down to doing things on the list I made before the holiday. Maybe I shouldn't make a list in the future..

Just noticed one thing today.. that I've been spending a lot of time with people who don't have father figures in their life. It's just one of those things in life I suppose.. a son whose father divorced his mother and moved away since the boy was 5, a son whose father is only present when it's his turn, and a son whose father is deceased..

My ideal picture of a family of course would be one with a complete set of numbers in the formulation. Yet, am not afraid to say that the sons all turned up to be not that bad.. This all due to substitute father figures, strong family values and maybe even a strong mother figure left to fend for her children.

Anyhow I wonder if life would have been different for them if they had that presence of a father all the way.

I'm sure it would be. But there's no need for their lives not to be so despite the absence..

I just hope that these people whom I know will be good fathers for their children in the future and be the constant figure in their lives, God willing..

Monday, May 23, 2011

Allah knows best

There are some days like today that I begin to wonder why things turn out a certain way..
When I start looking around me and realising things I'm missing out on..

It's so easy for me to just go and sulk in a corner, like a kid who doesn't get what she wants..

Luckily I'm not.. sulking that is. Or maybe I am, in my own sad way.. like writing in here..

Maybe it's cuz I'm a grown up (who sometimes doesn't feel so grown up being around a bunch of kids at work.. hehe..), and so I suck it all in and put on a brave facade.

To be honest it's tiring sometimes. To try to look OK. But I have to. At least for my own sake. And maybe for others too..

What keeps me sane is having faith in God and knowing that Allah knows best and what is good for his servants..

May I always be reminded of that.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

bertemu dan berpisah

It is probably the most thought about thought in most students mind right now. And teachers too. Which is why I'm writing about it obviously..

The day is looming and approaching and there's nothing we can do about it. It's funny cuz as much as I'm preparing to say goodbye, I'm also busy preparing for the new semester beginning in June. And for the new students to come..

The cycle goes on. Students enter our lives and go, replaced by new faces, new characters. But do you wanna know something? When those dear students of mine leave, their `spirit' actually remains, floating around.. and sometimes, if you're lucky, when you least expect it, you get to see them in the faces of others.... Creepy but true ;)

Oh crap, I'm gonna miss everyone terribly..

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Vampire Diaries

This post is dedicated to this series.

I blame a certain someone for getting me hooked on it - you know who you are :)

If I was a student I'd write an essay on it for my paper 2 or maybe even an EE.. haha.

I call myself crazy getting all obsessed like a young girl over characters on TV. This would be me maybe 15 years ago.. but I guess, age is just a number.

That's the thing about reality and fantasy. You can bury yourself into a world that does not exist and get all inspired and moved by it. People call that a good story. Kudos to the writers ;)

I do know of a certain someone who relishes fantasy stories and reads them religiously. That person said it's better than having to face all the depressing things in this world..

But face it you must.. and after watching 3 episodes in a row just now I had to stop myself from going overboard and pretending I have nothing else to do.. :p

So I will go back to my life now and live it. And later when I'm free.. continue watching and crying over the rest of the season.. :D

ps/ I still love Stefan even though Damon is cute and.. hot! - a statement made by a younger me.. ;)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

prelude to June

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.

`Down' by Jason Walker



Dear God, may I not fall down and drown..


Ya Allah, tidak ada kemudahan kecuali sesuatu yang Engkau permudahkan, Engkau menjadikan kedukaan itu mudah sekiranya Engkau kehendaki.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

motherly me?

When I was in uni we'd all like to imagine who'd get married first, how our children would look like and even behave! Was funny really.
The nice and tidy among us would get neat and well mannered kids, the not so neat would get messy but cute ones.. Things like that..
I was the one who everyone imagined as the motherly one.. Others, the diva, the disciplinarian, the outgoing one.. Maybe we were at that right age to predict ourselves, so it's no wonder that most of what we imagined came true.
My dear friends are all mothers now. If not to their own offsprings, to hundreds of kids they call students. Like me.
I don't really know how to be a mother but some people think of me that way so I guess I must be doing something along the lines of one.. ;) Thank you. I hope when the actual time comes for me I can be a good one.
Happy Mothers Day!