By now, if you've been following my reflections in this really average (maybe even boring) blog of mine, you may have come to realise how much I write about teaching.
Why wouldn't I since it's my life. In fact most of my life in a year is poured into it..
To a point that all I think of is students sometimes.. (does that make me sad?)
Maybe it's cuz I have no children of my own and so the poor souls at school (read:students) have to bear with my slightly emo + preachy + nagging + smothering (maybe) persona I adopt when it fits my mood. Most of the time I'm really just nice to them all. I think.
And that's when sometimes I take a step back and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I mean being nice and all that.
I know of some teachers who have a `couldn't care less' attitude to students.. Ok, that sounds bad. More like, `you should know what to do and be more responsible so I don't need to check on you every now and then' attitude..
I AM like that too when the occasion arises.
But most of the time I'm that `other' kind of teacher. The one who worries just a wee bit more. The one who lets go of them with difficulty when they all leave the college. The one who wants to be their friend and have coffee or lunch together. The one who wants to be their `saviour'. The one who wants to hold their hand.
(Do you think they know this?)
Really, I should stop and let them learn to defend for themselves. For when they go out into the real world they won't have me there to be a constant reminder. I will no longer be needed anymore and be forgotten eventually as they get caught up in leading their own lives..
But yet I know that some relationships last even after everyone says goodbye and I become once more the person who dispenses advice.. only maybe less than before.. (cuz by then we have `graduated' to a lesser teacher-student relationship)
In short, I think what this is, is.. and I may have realised this all along but never said it out loud.. that as much as they all probably needed me once upon a time ago, I actually needed them too.. and still do sometimes ;)
the time is near for me to let go.. for yet another batch will be saying their goodbyes soon.. :(