Tuesday, December 20, 2011

the GREEN hat

I'd like to think that on some days, the green hat I put on really reflects what it means- at least to Edward De Bono - who created the idea of the 6 thinking hats. If you don't know, the green hat centers on CREATIVITY.. Which means that when we're thinking.. we should try thinking creatively.

I think I've been showcasing that trait since I've managed to devise probably more than a dozen lullabies to put my baby to sleep this holiday. Of course sometimes I pick up on existing tunes and make my own lyrics.. Then at other times it's these `never-before-heard' melodies that I believe puts little Khadeeja to sleep.. ;) Now that, is creativity.. haha

I can't say much about the Malay dramas I've been following on the idiot box these days.. Plots seem to be different but then end up being those you've already seen and heard. So what's the catch then? Why am I still glued to the screen? Cuz people in general are attracted to drama- in any form that they can get...

Anyway.. my post has a point I'm trying to reach.. My assessment of this whole matter is, maybe Malaysian drama makers are just not creative. They should explore other issues and elements to tell a good story. They should inject intelligence and uniqueness to their storylines. They should try to avoid feeding the general population with only love, romance and tragic stories.. which I admit is usually the selling point for most films out there. (Though I like it now that a lot of stories remind people of good values and religion.. ) In short, they should try putting on the green hat!

Maybe it's a sad fact that what we see in dramas or movies today reflects the real life of our society.. Or maybe that's all we care about.. I don't know. I love watching a movie occasionally that just takes me away from the realities of life. That's why people create fantasy stories (like vampires..) But I do, do appreciate real stories made out of real people.. Oh well, I think maybe I'm influenced by western movies that are to me, always ever so interesting that I'd like Malaysia to be as interesting as them..

Ok, enough said. You get my point, right?

Who knows, maybe I'll try writing a script to a short film or drama and sell it to some producer.. But only if I wear the green hat first! ;)


- from the person who is now deprived of going to the cinema.. :p-

Friday, November 4, 2011

one week ago

He took his last breath around 6.30 pm in the presence of his daddy. He left us after 7 years of filling our lives with love and happiness. He was our first. He was the most loved. He shared our bed. He travelled with us. He had this look he'd give that told us how he felt. He `talked' to us.. able to communicate what he wanted and we'd always understand him. He was his daddy's son.. always sleeping on daddy's side, on daddy's hand.. Apart from me, he was my husband's soul mate.. ;)

The pain of losing a pet has never been so heightened when Woody went away.. It's hard for most people to understand how much one can love their pet. We learnt that we're capable of it.. Capable of even mourning over the death of our cat. We were left with this crushed heart and sudden emptiness and disbelief.. He was that constant being that made our lives richer who filled that void of not having a child of our own. He was our child.

But whatever we own in this world is just a loan.. One that will inevitably be taken back by God.. I'd like to believe that he was happy in his life with us. I hope we didn't wrong him and I hope we gave him enough.. I hope Allah forgives us for any sins we committed against him.. I hope we'll meet him again in the afterlife..

We buried him under a tree in the drizzling rain. We can see his grave from our house everytime we leave and come back to the apartment.. We still talk about him.. I think the other 5 miss him too but I think we miss him more..

Monday, October 24, 2011

gettin back into the groove

Here I am at work stealing a few moments of `me time' to put some life back into this blog.. After 2 weeks back at work, I think I have gotten back into the groove..Working mode is on. Then I switch it off totally once at home. The little one gets most of my attention these days :D

Time now carries a whole new meaning for me. It's a good thing I guess since I've adopted the policy of `no school work at home'.. so I try my best to get things done before I leave. I try..

Having a child turns your life around. People say the `honeymoon' is over and life will never be the same.. I suppose that's true. I'm not complaining. I know I'm in for a new challenge in life and I pray God will guide me all the way..

The thing is I seem to be at a lost for words these days.. Facebook statuses of mine are almost non-existent and I have no idea what to write in twitter or in this blog.. :p OK, this isn't a serious matter but being one who is drawn to language, I feel I have lost my touch.. haha..

So I'll try and find new things to write about in here ok people.. Somehow, my daughter has taken up my capacity to explore new ideas..lol.. I know they're in me somewhere.. I just need to get some of it back again.. Maybe I need to listen to what Stephen King said- if you don't have time to read, how can you expect to be a good writer.. Hmm... reading... Maybe i'll do that when she's asleep.... oh well... one can always dream..

Monday, September 26, 2011

Day 19

This post must be written in the speed of lightening before the little one wakes up.. ;)

I think I'm doing most things fast now - eg. eating, showering, etc.. all to fit around the timing of my baby.

Today I finally got round to reading some essays while at the corner of my eye, stealing looks at the sleepyhead.. My students are still in my thoughts.. :D

I suppose my worries and fears are slowly disappearing being replaced by some shred of confidence. Having family around is key.. my mom stayed the first few nights and did wonders with whipping up meals, giving baby a bath and also cleaning my fridge! She said I've always been `looking after' my students that I haven't had time to clear the fridge.. lol. Had to endure some nagging over the contents of my fridge.. (blushing)..

Now I'm kinda anticipating the part I have to leave her as I start back work in 2 weeks time.. :( This is why some people quit their jobs I suppose.. they want to be there full time.. But work I must and since having classes via email.. I now have dozens of essays to read.. Serves me right giving them essay tasks while I'm away..

ok.. is that you Khadeeja, calling Mama..?

till another post..

ps/ thinking of students far and near who are now in their own new world too.. hope life is looking up for all of you..

Thursday, September 15, 2011

DAY 8

Am sleeping quite normally, loving her even more each day and am scared most of the time.. Motherhood is not really what I imagined it to be.. haha

The everyday part of feeding and cleaning is fine I guess.. but now that she's here with us, I'm thinking of so many things already, like her future?

Ok, take things one day at a time. Still, I truly respect those mothers out there who have raised more than one child.. cuz with only one so far, my oh my.. it's a handful!


ps/ my favourite part: watching her sleep.. and when she looks at me straight in the eye :D

Sunday, September 4, 2011

remember

After the 6th day I can say that raya celebrations this year have been quite low key. Having to take hubby to the hospital on the 2nd day, miss out on balik kampung and forced to watch Malay horror dramas on telly almost everyday (I have only myself to blame for this..), it surely has been a different raya.

That is life. You don't always get what you want.. and what you want may not always be what you need..

As much as I wonder (and moan) why a certain TV channel has been going on a horror spree this raya, I must not complain too much about having such a raya. All in good cause I believe.. We still had people coming over to the house and all that family bonding was still much alive even though it was short lived..

I do want to remind myself though that we continue to make plans in our life, but we must also remember that He decides.. So after having to see how pain and temporary immobility affected my dearest one.. let us remember what the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w once said:

"Rebutlah lima perkara sebelum datangnya lima perkara. Pertama : masa sihat sebelum sakit. Kedua : masa kaya sebelum datangnya masa sempit (miskin). Ketiga : masa lapang sebelum tiba masa sibuk. Keempat masa mudamu sebelum datang masa tua dan kelima masa hidup sebelum tiba masa mati."

(riwayat al-Hakim dan al-Baihaqi)


Hope your raya was joyous and filled with love and good food ;)






Sunday, August 14, 2011

progress?

I heard this question over a radio channel about `How has your Ramadan progressed and what have you achieved?' People who called in said a lot of different things from waking up for prayers at night to buying less food at the Ramadan bazaars. I suppose for each individual it would be a different kind of progress for only that person knows what he has managed to accomplish. As we complete almost 14 days of Ramadan, and move halfway into Syawal, I aim to make this month a better one than before.. at least we try, right? Hope readers of this blog be the ones striving hard too =)

Things at the office have been progressing too I guess. It's been quite a tough semester so far.. work is mounting like never before.. Pretty challenging to deal with some emotions in this fasting month. But handle them we must.

Personally, my mental preparation of what's to come in the following month is also evolving into something more visible.. Yesterday was the first time we went out and bought stuff for the baby. I found it overwhelming since we went about it only thinking of the most basic items imaginable but were spoilt for choice as there were so many other things to consider as `basic'.. Of course we went with some advice.. But really.. there's just so much to think of for a little person! Another shopping spree (or maybe several) is in order.

I'm now torn between thinking of time I'll need to spend with the child and time I'll need to leave my students - at least for the first month. Hmm... should I opt for a career change?.. Maybe not that dramatic but I need to think of how I need to change some things. A class via video conferencing would be cool right? Can you imagine me holding a baby while talking to a class of students? ;)

Ok.. clearly, I may be getting a teensy bit stressed over what has not even arrived. But as the due date approaches I really am anticipating a lot of changes. Oh by the way, we know the gender now.. will reveal it when the baby arrives :D


ps/ thanking all for your well wishes and prayers.. keep praying for us :)




Friday, July 29, 2011

perempuan

First off, the previous post was written in a moment of weakness :p
I happen to love being a woman. Not only cuz I won't get jeered for wearing pink, but also because I can still be girly even at the age of 40 - which is NOT my age, mind you. Plus the chances of entering Paradise for a woman is easy actually.. if only one knew..

Dari Abdurrahman bin Auf r.a.
bahawa Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda :
"Jika perempuan mengerjakan solat yang lima
puasa Ramadhannya , memelihara kehormatannya
dan taat kepada suaminya maka akan dikatakan kepadanya masuklah ke dalam syurga dari pintu yang mana saja engkau suka
Hadis riwayat Ahmad dan Thabarani

Because it is easier said than done, we falter in our efforts to do this.. But let us mend our ways and strive to always be better every day.




Happy Ramadhan everyone! May we receive blessings from Allah in this holy month and all good things that come from it this year.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

first of many firsts

Teaching English A1.
Red velvet cake.
An Indonesian wedding.
Jakarta and it's endless macet moments.
Ultrasound check-up
Baby kicking inside mommy's tummy :)

- just to name a few..

Monday, July 11, 2011

just do it - a confession

There comes a point in one's life that you gotta just throw caution to the wind (read: take a risk) and just do it.
Look around you and tell me how many people you know have done that. See anyone familiar? You, probably?
I think these past few days I've put up several statuses on my fb that kinda hints at how we should take challenges in our life and make something out of it.
Of course it's very easy to cower in a corner and bemoan our fate.. and so it takes a lot of courage to get back up and face the music.. Something which I believe everyone can do, given some time and support.

And so, after 11 years of marriage, I am now finally beginning to open up to doing the one thing I refused to do, only because I wanted to believe that I could do it naturally..,which is, I'm now ready to adopt! :)

I do not want to discuss the struggles I've been through in the process of trying before coming to this decision.. but I just need to sort out the many feelings running through my mind as it has been a week since I made this decision and met the biological mother of my child. Meeting the parents broke my heart.. in ways I didn't think I'd feel..

The reality is that it now has become real. All my husband and I had before this was an image of what we wanted. But now, we are facing it and soon, in a couple of months God willing, we will be parents.

It's scary. On many levels. I know I'm not the one with a pregnant belly to start with, but I now will shoulder the responsibility of raising a kid with my husband.

Don't get me wrong, I want this. It's just that I'm actually dreading the moment I will take away that child from his/her mother and make it my own.. May Allah give me the strength to do it and the mother, the strength to part with her child.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

feeling too much

It started last night, after drinks with a new acquaintance and after reflecting about a change that may happen to my life soon. Then, for some weird reason I started the day today in tears while taking sahur and listening to the zikir on 106. Much later, I shared joy and sorrow over knowing the results of the recent IB exam..

Exploding with feelings.. so much to say..

Will write more once I get my feelings sorted.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

I'm afraid

Been doing a lot of thinking lately and realizing that life is short and all that. Things which didn't matter to me before seem to be a big deal now and I'm seeing things in a different light.. wow, how many cliche phrases did you catch back there? ;)

A lot of things that people don't do is because of fear. Afraid of failing, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing, afraid of what people say, afraid of the truth, afraid of feeling.

Truth is, I'm afraid sometimes. Afraid of all that.

But that's why there's those cliche expressions: Just Do It!, Take a leap of faith, to boldly go where no man(woman) has gone before... :D And.. If you never try you never know, believe in yourself etc..

Then there's also Istikhara - to seek goodness from Allah- because when you're getting all messed up thinking of the what ifs, go back to Him and seek his guidance. Admit it, we are not readers of the future. If we're afraid to decide on something, we should pray, for a better choice:

"O Allah! In Your Knowledge if this action is bad for me, bad for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and whatever is better for me, ordain [destine] that for me and then make me satisfied with it."


May Allah guide me to make the right choices..

Thursday, June 30, 2011

a note before midnight

It's the end of June.. soon it will be July - my favourite month ;)
Significant things are happening in July. Results. Decisions to be made. New students, new class, new people to break my heart..

Anyway, it didn't work. My time off. Remind me not to have any time off from the world wide web cuz it'll never work. Can't be separated.

Today was not a good day. I need to get my eyes checked cuz my lack of power which I never knew, is giving me terrible headaches and I couldn't see the writing on the mahjong papers my students presented today :( and my power is already 600!! :((

Ok.. gotta go battle with my cat and shove a pill down her throat. Please cooperate.

If you're interested: sher127.tumblr.com

goodnight readers of my blog..

Saturday, June 25, 2011

time off

I think I need some time off all things internet for a while. I know.. I've said this before.
I love it, don't get me wrong. It started with having an email account. That was when I was in Uni! Talk about starting late.. Then.. we learnt how to chat online. Then.. facebook I think which I have been immersing myself in since the past 2, 3 ? years.., blogger, twitter (lately hv started to be a little active), whatsapp, viber (rarely use it but have it), tumblr -my latest craze - did you know I write there too?! Haiya... So many already....

For some unexplainable reason I think I have to stop. At least for a week. And get myself immersed in other things.. (which are plenty...)

Somehow feel I'm neglecting other parts in my life..

After all, too much of something may not be a good thing.. right?

Maybe I'll just visit tumblr.. who knows.. :P

Ciao.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

life

Am very well aware that I am getting older. Not cuz my birthday..ahem, is looming in a few weeks time. There have been signs, I think. One of it could be cuz I tend to wanna hear Lite fm these days instead of Hitz. `Loud' music makes me stressed on some days. Or the fact that I'm not losing weight as easy as I did 2 years ago.. ? (despite the regular treadmill sessions..) Yet I often stand my ground and declare that I am still in my "youthful years".

I shouldn't really be in denial. Growing old is inevitable and so is death. Our journey to death actually begins the minute we were born. The day of our death was written on the day we were born. We just don't know when it is. But we can surely prepare for a good afterlife starting from now.

Two things I thought about today made me think of life and death even more:

1) I recently registered my name for Hajj. I don't know why I never did it earlier. If I live long enough I'll go in 2040! Where I'll be over 60.. about the age my parents went. If God grants me good health and a longer life, I may live to go in that assigned year. Or if I acquire wealth and prosperity.. i might just go earlier.. I hope it is the latter.

2) My sister who's a year older than me is about to deliver her 4th child as we speak, and I'm still stuck with 6 cats and age and who knows maybe death, creeping up on me.

I hope I'm not sounding like I'm complaining. I happen to love my life now and am thankful to God for everything I have. It's just that when you look into the future you set in your mind, you do have to stop for a while and wonder if you'll ever get there and what are you gonna do about getting it...

Growing up is never easy.. Even when you're already `grown up'!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

what colour are you?

Am once again surrounded by the chaos and craziness of my working world. And I haven't even started teaching yet!
One thing I often get to do when I'm at work is shop! There's always something for everybody whenever someone starts selling. In my defense, it saves me time from having to go to a shop myself.. and if i can get quality goods at affordable prices (pay 2,3 times.. haha), why not?

Today it was batik.
And being around colleagues who watch what we wear day in and day out.. everyone seems to know what colour would suit which person. I was no exception..

Once again, I didn't surprise anyone and chose material with the same colour I always choose. Which got strong reactions from my dear observant friends. So, I decided to try listening to everybody's protests and tried hard to find something that wasn't me. I wanted to embrace the challenge of wearing something different. Getting out of my comfort zone. But then I wondered, why would I want to be not me? Oh it's because of those cliche lines be bold, be adventurous!

I took their advice and went home with two different coloured cloths and now I think I don't like either of them. :p

Moral of the story? Don't listen to anyone but yourself? Just be same old boring you? I seriously don't know sometimes..

Anyway, I haven't paid for them yet.. so maybe tomorrow I can exchange them with someone who took a piece of material I liked...

And that's the beauty of buying stuff at work :D


ps/ Can you guess/ remember what colour(s) I often wear?

Sunday, June 5, 2011

a sight for sore eyes


Seven years ago we made a decision that changed our lives.
My husband and I took in (bought) a 2 month old cat (from Penang) who at that time was a tiny one and could fit into my husband's pocket shirt. We named him Woody because of his colour and we never looked back. Since then we've breeded 10 of Woody's offsprings and 5 grandchildren.
After several deaths, a disappearance and some giving away, only 6 remain with us.

And they are indeed a sight for sore eyes, a source of comfort and joy and above all, our children.

Can't imagine life without them.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

sista in the house

Every school holiday the only little sister I have invites herself to stay ;)
And I in turn get to become the doting sister.. well kindof, and spend time with her by:

1) cooking a lot of western food (cuz that's all she likes to eat)
2) letting her play with the cats
3) going to the gym or swimming together. though I sit out on the swimming and instead, just read next to the pool
4) taking her out to watch a movie
5) giving a lot of sisterly advice (believe me she still needs it!)
6) getting into `cat-fights'..

No. 6 is a MUST. :p
As adults over 30, you'd think that would be over and done with. But sadly it still happens. I have learnt to stop being the childish one.. but seriously, it's not easy to not want to get into some sort of argument..

Please let me be the nice sister with her around dear God. You know I love her - that's why I'm mean to her.. ;D

Sunday, May 29, 2011

I remember you

Today I was reminded of some people in my life who I seem to have forgotten.
I think we never really forget them but we just place them aside for a while in our minds.

We remember people who have gone from this earth. And then we also remember people who are still around, but whom we may never see again..

11 years. That's how long.

I pray you are safe and well. Living a good life. I pray you will find your way to us once more and that God will guide you on the right path.. I pray you remember us too.

past my bedtime ramblings

Currently 2.30 am on a Sunday morning and am wide awake. Ok well, I'm starting to feel a little drowsy.. Didn't really plan to stay up this late but I suppose since the people in this house seem intent to watch a football match, I have made myself occupied with things to distract me from sleeping.

I've had my share of sleepless nights before. Two years ago when I was finishing up my masters and what feels like a century ago, when I was doing my degree. Last minute work can actually create wonders!

Anyway, this is day 9 of my holiday. And in typical holiday mode, I have spent the first week really just chilling. But I do wish I'd get down to doing things on the list I made before the holiday. Maybe I shouldn't make a list in the future..

Just noticed one thing today.. that I've been spending a lot of time with people who don't have father figures in their life. It's just one of those things in life I suppose.. a son whose father divorced his mother and moved away since the boy was 5, a son whose father is only present when it's his turn, and a son whose father is deceased..

My ideal picture of a family of course would be one with a complete set of numbers in the formulation. Yet, am not afraid to say that the sons all turned up to be not that bad.. This all due to substitute father figures, strong family values and maybe even a strong mother figure left to fend for her children.

Anyhow I wonder if life would have been different for them if they had that presence of a father all the way.

I'm sure it would be. But there's no need for their lives not to be so despite the absence..

I just hope that these people whom I know will be good fathers for their children in the future and be the constant figure in their lives, God willing..

Monday, May 23, 2011

Allah knows best

There are some days like today that I begin to wonder why things turn out a certain way..
When I start looking around me and realising things I'm missing out on..

It's so easy for me to just go and sulk in a corner, like a kid who doesn't get what she wants..

Luckily I'm not.. sulking that is. Or maybe I am, in my own sad way.. like writing in here..

Maybe it's cuz I'm a grown up (who sometimes doesn't feel so grown up being around a bunch of kids at work.. hehe..), and so I suck it all in and put on a brave facade.

To be honest it's tiring sometimes. To try to look OK. But I have to. At least for my own sake. And maybe for others too..

What keeps me sane is having faith in God and knowing that Allah knows best and what is good for his servants..

May I always be reminded of that.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

bertemu dan berpisah

It is probably the most thought about thought in most students mind right now. And teachers too. Which is why I'm writing about it obviously..

The day is looming and approaching and there's nothing we can do about it. It's funny cuz as much as I'm preparing to say goodbye, I'm also busy preparing for the new semester beginning in June. And for the new students to come..

The cycle goes on. Students enter our lives and go, replaced by new faces, new characters. But do you wanna know something? When those dear students of mine leave, their `spirit' actually remains, floating around.. and sometimes, if you're lucky, when you least expect it, you get to see them in the faces of others.... Creepy but true ;)

Oh crap, I'm gonna miss everyone terribly..

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Vampire Diaries

This post is dedicated to this series.

I blame a certain someone for getting me hooked on it - you know who you are :)

If I was a student I'd write an essay on it for my paper 2 or maybe even an EE.. haha.

I call myself crazy getting all obsessed like a young girl over characters on TV. This would be me maybe 15 years ago.. but I guess, age is just a number.

That's the thing about reality and fantasy. You can bury yourself into a world that does not exist and get all inspired and moved by it. People call that a good story. Kudos to the writers ;)

I do know of a certain someone who relishes fantasy stories and reads them religiously. That person said it's better than having to face all the depressing things in this world..

But face it you must.. and after watching 3 episodes in a row just now I had to stop myself from going overboard and pretending I have nothing else to do.. :p

So I will go back to my life now and live it. And later when I'm free.. continue watching and crying over the rest of the season.. :D

ps/ I still love Stefan even though Damon is cute and.. hot! - a statement made by a younger me.. ;)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

prelude to June

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.

`Down' by Jason Walker



Dear God, may I not fall down and drown..


Ya Allah, tidak ada kemudahan kecuali sesuatu yang Engkau permudahkan, Engkau menjadikan kedukaan itu mudah sekiranya Engkau kehendaki.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

motherly me?

When I was in uni we'd all like to imagine who'd get married first, how our children would look like and even behave! Was funny really.
The nice and tidy among us would get neat and well mannered kids, the not so neat would get messy but cute ones.. Things like that..
I was the one who everyone imagined as the motherly one.. Others, the diva, the disciplinarian, the outgoing one.. Maybe we were at that right age to predict ourselves, so it's no wonder that most of what we imagined came true.
My dear friends are all mothers now. If not to their own offsprings, to hundreds of kids they call students. Like me.
I don't really know how to be a mother but some people think of me that way so I guess I must be doing something along the lines of one.. ;) Thank you. I hope when the actual time comes for me I can be a good one.
Happy Mothers Day!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

here we go again..

Today was cupcake day.
It was a day of excitement over looking at your name on a cupcake :)
A heartwarming day to be able to put a smile on students' faces.

It was also a day that passed by with a heavy heart.
Since it was the last day to stand in front of a `class' and give our `last' piece of advice.

Every time.
This happens every time.
And you'd think you'd get used to it.

You never really do.

I guess this is where the expression missing you already comes in.. :p

Saturday, April 23, 2011

rejected

Ever had your love rejected? Or maybe just your affections?
Story of my life.. Haha. cliche.
But yes, it's not the best feeling in the world to go through.
You begin questioning.. what's wrong with me? am I that bad? why can't you love me?

Inevitable. You'll face it some point in your life. Or at many points in your life.
This week alone I witnessed several.. either it was a research question, a personal statement, an idea... Sorry, not much love stories I know of are going round around me to include here.. ;)

Since an idea I had, a brilliant one I might say, got rejected.. this post has sprung to life..

What more can I say, people have their own perspectives.. To one person (or many in this case) it may have been a good idea, but when you start dissecting it into small pieces and looking at the bigger picture.. poof! there goes your great idea.. torn to pieces.. Ok, being melodramatic..

Anyway, I have to admit. It may have seemed a bit too much, but it was all in good cause.. all in good cause.. To be honest, I surprised myself coming up with it but you know what.. it's good to surprise yourself once in a while.. It's refreshing!

So moral of the story: once rejected, despite how much it stings or hurts you, pick yourself up and think of Plan B! Don't let people get you down.. but also, listen to others' point of view for what we deem good may not be that good after all..

Saturday, April 16, 2011

count your blessings

I was told last week how lucky I was that I could afford a `leisurely' weekend to myself.
In response I told the person that I was as busy as other people during weekends - with or without kids to look after.

Somebody told me this week how she envied people's success.
In response I asked her - how do you measure `success'? Cuz I sometimes look at other people's life as being more `successful' than mine as they possess the one thing I still don't have. Kids.

Then the phrase life is not fair came to mind.
Which made me reflect that life is fair because God is fair.

God may not grant you things that other people have (and that you want), but He replaces it with other things in your life that are as equally good. This could be anything.

So people should just count their blessings and not complain too much.. right?

In actual fact that's not what most people end up doing.. and so.. they grumble and moan about their life.

So what should be done really is to work for what we want and pray that God will grant us our wish..

At the end of the day if you still don't get what you want.. maybe it's not what you need..(yet) and surely Allah knows best..


(my blessings: loving husband, living parents, my apartment, 6 fluffy cats, my health, sanity, a job that I love, friends, relatives & students who care about me.... and the list goes on.. thank you Allah)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

heart on my sleeve

Had a day full of feelings. Maybe I still am having that day as I write this entry.
Today I.. shed tears, laughed, smiled, blushed, got upset, got irritated,got mad, got excited, felt love, fear, sadness, happiness.. all rolled into one bundle of me. It is actually possible for a person to feel all that in one day.. maybe even within hours that do not even last a day..

Have you ever?
In `youth speak' they'd call this emo I guess. And it's only natural.. being humans with feelings. The difference is how we deal with those feelings. Either we let them control us or we learn to control them. Are we going to keep them all inside or be the one who wears his heart on his sleeve?





Wednesday, April 6, 2011

a poem for lunch time

Posted this on fb just now. Blame it on my sweet tooth..


Teachers keep talking even after class ends.
Students come by in mixed fashion trends.
Oh wouldn't it be nice if on their visits
they'd bring us some chocs or some biscuits?

;)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

we forget

Everybody forgets. It is normal.
The difference is the degree of the forgetting..

I have some hazy memories of events in my life.. Age may have done that to me. But sometimes the sad part is when it's a total loss of everything. Memory loss?

Recently I've started forgetting people's names.. err, these are people who I don't talk to on a daily basis, but see everyday.. ooops.. Then there's people on facebook who we sometimes forget we're friends with. Among the 600++ friends I have, I can barely recall half of them if you ask me to say their names.. (and i have also begun to wonder why I'm friends with them...sorry..)

A friend once told me I have `selected amnesia' which means I choose what I want to remember and forget.. Hmm.. maybe.. But deep in the recesses of our mind, we sometimes do remember.. It's just what we decide to do with that memory that differs.. Either we brush it off as if it were unimportant, or we pause and take time to think about it and to remember it.

Then there are things we don't ever want to forget. A feeling. A face. A laugh, smile, touch or taste. A moment in time.

But as time passes by, what remains with us may be just bits and pieces. Fragments of a memory.

I write this today to remind myself of what I will forget. To start cherishing people and things around me before they fade from my memory..

Monday, March 28, 2011

silly billy

During my first year or was it my second year at University..(my memory fails me..), I had to complete a few weeks of teaching practice. To start with, I was placed at a primary school with a coursemate.. No `real' teaching was done at first since we basically had to observe the teachers in action and jot down all possible tips we could get from the classes we were in.. What the teacher did, how she did it.. was it a good thing.. We had to be REFLECTIVE..

Anyway our first class which i recall was with the little ones.. maybe aged between 5-6..

Things I remember:

The kids were adorable creatures with 1001 behaviours..

The class was a colourful array of papers and objects.. (with tiny chairs & tables)..

.. and of course the phrase used by one teacher still fresh in my memory: silly billy

Whenever a child made a mistake or was behaving badly.. the teacher would say.. `Oh, you're a silly billy aren't you..' or 'Don't be a silly billy'.. And till this day, I just love that phrase - cuz it rhymes and doesn't really sound insulting.. just kinda cute..;)

Whether the children were able to take that comment positively I have no idea.. but kids I suppose are more forgiving than adults..

As a human being who is far from perfect.. I have had my share of silly billy moments. And though you feel like kicking yourself when that happens, you just have to wear that title for a while.. at least until the guilt, shame, sadness, etc.. washes itself away from your conscience..


Saturday, March 26, 2011

happy endings

At the age that I am, I am well aware that life is not made up of happy endings all the way.
You get your spectrum of moments and that is life as it is.

But when reading a book or watching a movie..., what I want to see is a happy ending.

And when I get to the end of a story I thought would give me an ending it deserved - especially after going through the ups and downs of a character.. it just upsets me that someone has to die or that the ending falls far from my expectations..

Just had that moment with a book I finally finished - `Never Let Me Go' - ok the title maybe should've given me a clue of it's possible ending.. But still..

Kazuo Ishiguro (the author) writes beautifully. His strength lies in his ability to describe events with such detail. The plot is fascinating.. though I kinda only got it almost towards the end of the story- that the children in it were `clones'.. or `designed' to be used as donors.. It didn't emphasize that explicitly in the novel but instead, Ishiguro focused more on the memories of these kids at the school they were placed..

Anyway, basically, the ending was kinda sad and left me wanting more.

Maybe if I watch the movie it'll give me a better sense of closure to the story.
Or maybe I should just accept the fact that not all stories end with a happy ever after.
Just like life.


ps/ There is an `ever after' -after death that is, in our after life.. Let's all work at making it a happy ever after.. for life will be eternal there..

Friday, March 18, 2011

100th

As I write this entry it is with realisation that it is my 100th.
Nothing to be proud of really but kinda making it a big deal cuz the number sounds grand :)

So.. upon returning from the land so fondly called `Down Under', I was thinking of writing 100 things about my trip..erm.. would anyone be interested to read it?

Let's try..

The FLIGHT

1. I love MAS. 2.Truly laden with MH= malaysian hospitality 3. it fed us with ice-cream on both journeys to and fro.. 4. with superb in-flight entertainment :D 5. read my book only on the way to Aussie but not on the way back.. too distracted by the entertainment on board.. ;)



The WORKSHOP

6. The IB workshop drained me but I learnt a lot 7. made new friends! from Australia, Jakarta, India, etc.. 8. got material to use in class

9. it was a fully digital experience as we had to refer to stuff from a website - so EVERYONE was with a laptop.. kinda reminded me of a class with students who use the laptop while I'm teaching.. haha..

10. think I made my college proud by contributing a few times in the workshop.. ;)





MELBOURNE

11. modern city 12. organised 13. efficient 14. unpredictable weather 15. multi-cultural (like Msia!) 16. went to the Moomba Festival = fireworks! 17. people cycle EVERYWHERE!

18. bicycle lanes 19. bicycle-parking space 20. rental bikes available! 21. people cycle to work in jeans! and shower and change before starting work.. 22. mode of transportation i used = trams (on time!) 23. shops close at 5pm, workshop finished 4.30.. :(( 24. Nandos and KFC are halal there! 25. many other halal restaurants like Indonesian food 26. even an old town kopitiam.. 27. Yarra river - one of the attractions.. lovely view at night

STUDENTS

28. Meeting up with ex-KMB students was great. Even though I only taught Sofia (05/07 batch) IELTS for 4 weeks (at that time teachers taught the students), it felt like we had known each other for long. Lovely hospitality and helpful from the first day we were there.. Had dinner together at a halal restaurant = nasi goreng nenas.. ;)

29. They took us on a trip to Brighton Beach on tuesday. We had a little picnic by the beach and it was a cold evening.. brrrr.. but fun!

30. Took a stroll down Docklands later and sipped hot chocolate trying to keep warm..

31. Admired Sofia's skill at reading a map and Jaja's ability to drive a manual car to take us to the beach and around the city that day..

BRIGHTON BEACH

32. Main attraction - the colourful boat houses.. wonder how it looks like with a boat in it. Google the image!

MELBOURNE ZOO

33. Cheaper than going on a proper tour 34. but going there meant you can't get up close and personal with the animals:

35. esp loved the koalas - they just hug the branches of a tree.. and were sooo cute!

36. kangaroos - kinda lazed about and wanted to see them hopping but they didn't
37. little kangaroo sitting in the pouch was not seen
38. enichda's reminded me of my hedgehog but are way cuter and fatter
39. platipus is a mammal that lays eggs!
40. orang utan sanctuary
41. smallest penguins on earth! CUTE!
42. spent half of the day there and took oh so many pics.. was lovely.. i think the zoo is pretty with flowers and shrubbery all around..

43. if i had a second job, I'd want to work with animals..


FOOD

44. Vegetarian. 45. cooked on one night we were there- salmon + broccoli + dessert (frozen) 46. blessed to stay in an hotel apartment with complete facilities to cook.. ;) 47. even tho halal restaurants were plenty, eating in was still the best.. 48. always be careful of the ingredients tho.. 49. bread, milk and juice were the 3 essential things we always had 50. the fun part was getting vouchers from the organizers to eat during lunch. We had a choice of 2 restaurants to go to and select one meal and drink..


SHOPPING

51. Even tho the rate was high RM3.1 = 1 AUD.. I managed to buy some stuff

52. Victoria market is THE place to get good bargains (not sure good quality)..

53. Sadly as shops closed at 5.. (finished course at 4.30) I only shopped at the ever so famous market on the day I was leaving .. which left me very little time to choose and decide (women like me take a lot of time shopping cuz we think too much and can’t decide..)

54. A lot of Indonesians were sellers at the stalls.

55. Due to limited space.. NO souvenirs were bought for my 57 students... :(

56. While packing to go back, I had to sit on my suitcase to zip it.. i think that's the first time that happened..


OTHERS

57. I visited a cousin who has been staying in Melbourne for a couple of years. 58. took a train to his house and met his 5 mth old daughter for the first time 59. My cousin just got a PR status and seems content to stay there permanently..

60. I think it's cool to live and work overseas.. apparently a lot of my cousins and aunts/ uncles are doing that.. Made me wonder if I'd ever be willing to to do that.. and like, stay there forever..

61. The Moomba Festival I went to made me smile and remember a sample individual oral I once gave my students to listen to of an Australian girl talking about the festival as her chosen topic.. ;)

62. In the future will bring a BIGGER suitcase and less clothes.. so I can squeeze in more souvenirs.. haha..

63. Woody, our eldest cat is always in tune with what
we do.. here's a pic of him before we left.












64. This is one when he was looking at things I had bought esp the koala bear key chain he thinks is for him. (hubby says it is for him..)













65. On my flight back there was a lot of turbulence as the plane went into air pockets.. this for me, is always the scariest part when flying.. it gets you thinking of the `what if's' while you're in the air..

66. But what I always love to do when I get to sit near the window is to be amazed at Allah's creation and to just stare at the beautiful clouds and sky hundreds of thousands of feet above the ground.. it surely is a sight you only get to experience when you're in an aeroplane.. Allah is great..










ok.. it seems that I only managed to reach 66.. Not bad.. hehe.. I kinda owe this entry another 34 points.. yikes! I guess I do have some more to say about the trip.. but do you really wanna know? ;)

Till the next post..

Friday, March 11, 2011

leaving on a jet plane

Will embark on a journey to a different continent in less than 24 hours from now..
Want to write something `wow' here but packing my small suitcase and worrying about whether I'm gonna be carrying too much (or too little) has made me exhausted.. Packing sure is a chore..

Am also paranoid that I will leave something behind..

I guess going away for a few days does that to someone..

The cats will be missed of course. One tried to get packed with my belongings as he sat in the suitcase.. cute.. I suppose they sense that we'll be leaving them behind..

As usual, one of the must have's to be packed with my essentials is a story book. It should keep me company on my 8 hour flight.. I have chosen The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. A book I bought last year but never got round to reading.. I tend to read more on holidays as compared to my normal working days. But wait. I'm not going on a holiday.. This is more like a business trip..
Anyhoo.. will pretend that I'm on a holiday anyway and try and take in the new sights and sounds to my best capability... (after the 8.30-4.30 workshop..) and even if shops mostly close at 5.. :p

Pray for my safe journey there and my return.. Maybe I'll have stories to share when i get back InsyaAllah..

ps/ don't miss me too much ;)

Aging?

Something I've been discussing in class with my kids lately has led me to think of the many possibilities that all of us have in life. ...