Friday, December 31, 2010


Currently in a city in the east coast attending an engagement and a wedding -of the same person.
Since we got here it has been raining continuously; something which is common this time of the year. So it looks pretty gloomy -like winter minus the freezing cold air..
But still the rain has not dampened the mood of the guests who have come to celebrate/ support the joyous occasion.
I suppose it is a pretty significant date to choose to be married on the 1st day of the year.
New year, new beginnings. New life.

Yet in actual fact you can make ANY day significant. You can start anew at any given date. There shouldn't be a reason to wait, really. Cuz you and I know we may not have much time left on this earth of ours.

At 35 years old, after 19 years of smoking, someone dear to me finally decided to quit smoking. It's been over a month and he's still going strong. (God, please let him quit for good..)

After 10 years of a childless marriage, a couple I know decided just yesterday to adopt a 3 day old baby whose mother didn't want him, only to find out they were a few minutes late to decide and someone else had beaten them to it.

Ok, these are just some examples of taking control of your life. Answering the door when opportunity knocks. Carpedium.

But of course there are times when you must take time to think about things thoroughly before even deciding. After all life is about the choices that you make. Once you've made the wrong choice, you'll have to live with it for the rest of your life.. So seek His guidance in times of doubt, make your choice with confidence and don't look back.

I pray that we are always under Allah's guidance and that we will make the right choices in life and not wait too long to reinvent or renew ourselves. May 2011 be the year for us to do grander things in life. InsyaAllah.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Am sipping latte at the level 2 food court of klcc. Arrived here just before the crowd pulled in. My quiet breakfast is no more. Apart from me there are others too who are also eating alone.. I'm ok with that.. there are times when you should be alone without company. Lets you gather your thoughts better I guess.. Ok, clearly I'm bored- waiting for a friend.. And now I have to go clean my tudung after spilling my food just now as I was attending to my mobile facebook.. :p

Saturday, December 25, 2010

the annoying orange

I just met him.
Some students told me about it once but only today out of sheer boredom I came across it on you tube and decided to watch it.
Only saw the one vid with the Jalapeno.. made me laugh and thus clear away some blues of mine.
Why am I blue?
Can't answer that cuz I don't know.. (i think..)

Ever watched `Legends of The Fall'? Brad Pitt was in it (*sigh..) He played one of the sons of Anthony Hopkins.. Falls in love with the same girl his brothers do too - Susannah. She gets engaged to one of them (not him) who gets killed in the war. So with him out of the picture she eventually falls into Tristan's arms (Brad Pitt)- the favourite son, after the fiance's death. To add to the drama, being the `free spirit' of the family, Tristan decides to go on a journey and goes away leaving Susannah behind for a long time.. So she ends up marrying the other remaining brother, while still pining for Tristan..

To cut a long story short.. Tristan returns from his long `journey of discovery', becomes the good son again, marries and lives happily with 2 kids.. One day, they all go to a fair and bump into each other. Tristan with one child on his shoulder while the pregnant wife holds the other child. A picture of a perfect happy family..

And that's one of the scenes I remember the most as being the most heartbreaking of all. The moment Susannah sees that picture in front of her.. her expression says it all.

I think I had that expression this morning. I think something hit me.

It may not have been in the same scenario as in the movie nor was it under the same circumstances.. (I have no `Tristan' who I'm pining for ok..) but it sure made me remember that scene.

What does this have to do with the annoying orange? Nothing. Sorry..

But it reminded me of this:

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. - Desiderata

It made me look back at what I have and be thankful:

Take what comes to you and give thanks. Qur'an 7:144

And it reminded me that... Verily with every difficulty there is ease. Qur'an 94:6

So, even if I became `Susannah' for a moment today and ended up in tears.. (lately it falls so easily), I am not going to let that image affect me in any way again.

O' you who have believed, persevere and endure and remain stationed and fear Allah so you may be successful. Qur'an 3:200

And He it is Who sends down the rain after they have despaired, and spreads His Mercy... Qur'an 42:28

If you're finding this post a little cryptic, well, some things don't need to be spelt out in detail.
If you don't understand..then, tough ;)

ps/ if you haven't watched the movie I mentioned before, go watch it! it's a good movie.. :)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

a shrunken memory

You never really forget things at all sometimes. What happens is just that you push a memory away from you, bury it somewhere you wish you'd never find again and then one day, bam! It hits you from nowhere and things come flushing in. You can't stop it. You suddenly remember. And then you realize that you've never really forgotten. The memory has just been dormant and shrunk into size. But it's still there. A shrunken memory..

Monday, December 20, 2010

after 20 years

Two days ago I attended the most anticipated event of the month. My secondary school reunion! From 100 students or so in our batch, around 40 plus of us made it. Not bad..

If you refer to a previous post, I did not manage to lose much weight before the event.. (Only about 1 kilo).. Plus that was the day I was having skin `issues'.. after trying to get rid of some spots a few days before, they remained on my cheek till that night :p

Aside from that, I did not regret going at all.

Even though I did not remember half of the boys.. oops men, (and one or 2 girls) who came.
Even though at one point it felt like school days once more when each gender shied away from the other.
Even though I could not eat much as I suddenly got all flustered and giddy trying to talk to everyone at once.
Even though I did not get to speak to every one of them.
Even though I felt upset when some didn't remember me - their own classmate/ homeroomate!

You'd think everyone would have changed.. well, not entirely. There were still those with that same face and shape - much to the envy of others! :) But the most obvious changes were the guys I guess.. all like `bapak org' sudah.. hehehe..

Considering the amount of time spent with those people 20 years ago, it came as no surprise when seeing most of them again didn't make us break into a long conversation. Of course basic questions were asked- occupation, children, (yes, I got that question of course and surprised looks..), where I lived.. Those who knew me better asked about my siblings, etc.. But I ended up having `extended' conversations with only a limited few.. Which to me was good enough.

I always wonder how people saw me back then. And if they saw the same me 2 days ago.. Because I saw the same thing in some of them just like I saw them 20 years ago..

I actually have fuzzy memories of my time at that school. Don't get me wrong, I loved it there. Relationships in the dorm meant more at times than in the classroom! I think if all of us stayed there till the end of form 5 we'd be tighter than now. Parting ways after form 3 was painful and I think I hated the paths they made us choose at that time.. I think everyone else who left felt the same way too..

So I applaud the organizer - my homeroomate! (who I had forgotten was in my homeroom.. ouch) and who sponsored the whole thing! Bless him..

Reunions exist not because you want to compare your life with others, but more to get connected once again. To go back to a place you shared together and hold on to a piece of that once more. Sometimes it's good to remember the good old days so that you can create better days in the present. Or at least to know that once you shared a life someplace that was pure, fun and free. It surely made you the person you are today so what better way to cherish it then to reconnect once more..

Meeting each other again really brought us back to the place we all loved. Especially us who left too soon..

things i will particularly remember:
People who never spoke to me before actually did that night! (including someone I admired.. hahahaha..)
Some told me I looked the same! (compliment?) and `smaller'? :D
Spoke to a long lost friend.. :)

Friday, December 17, 2010


Two piles I am aiming to finish this holiday.
Only one pile is being given attention.. It's obvious which one I think :)
Can't get rid of the habit of buying books when one isn't even finished.. I think among the pile is about 4 books I've started on but not finished reading..
The other pile.. well, I did start on it - BEFORE the hols.. and that was it. Will start on it again very very soon.. ;)

But this one

I must always make sure I find time to read too.
Because sometimes I forget..
Knowing very well that it is the ultimate guide to one's life..
Allah forgive me..

Sebagaimana riwayat Abu Umamah yang maksudnya:

“Aku pernah mendengar Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Bacalah oleh kamu al-Qur’an, sesungguhnya (al-Qur’an) itu datang pada hari qiamat menjadi syafaat kepada pembacanya.”

(Hadis riwayat Muslim)

I hope that it's not because I am `free' this holiday that I will be giving time to reading the Quran but that it will be a common practice that will stick with me always.

Diriwayatkan daripada Abu Hurairah Radhiallahu‘anhu yang maksudnya:

“Bahawa Rasulullah Shallalahu’alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Sesiapa yang mendengar satu ayat daripada Kitab Allah Ta’ala (al-Qur’an) ditulis baginya satu kebaikan yang berlipat ganda. Sesiapa yang membacanya pula, baginya cahaya di hari qiamat.”

Thursday, December 16, 2010

20 VS 44

January 2009 was when this blog first came to be.
I wanted to try and see what it was all about - wrote about it in my first entry.
Was just reading my previous posts of last year and I think it mostly was a little emotional ;)
Many big things happened anyway so I guess that was inevitable.
I was not into `advertising' my blog too so that meant.. out of the 20 posts I wrote there were like 5 comments altogether I think.. It's ok, the writing part for me was more important than getting the responses. (plus only one or 2 people knew about it..)

2010 = 44 posts so far.. and almost every month.. and more than once in a month too! And a number of comments = like!
I think it's because I now understand how blogs are like - after reading several blogs which inspire and fascinate me. Writing is not a problem still, getting the responses is a bonus and now, exchanging knowledge and learning from what you write and read is the most valuable part..

So bloggers, let's continue doing that, ok? ;)

ps/ but sometimes.. you do purposely write cuz you want people to respond.. and that's cool.. but it's sad (sometimes) when people don't.. haha..

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


After a recent outstation trip to hubby's hometown I think I have returned with a little extra fat on me. Feel `lumpy' and heavy.. yucks ;p
Why is it that holidays always does that to people?
You get together and buy food (you can't find where you're staying), you gather round the table and chat, laugh and eat and eat and eat.. Somehow food tastes hundred times better when you're eating it with company. Good company.
Not only that, it's hard to say no when people start cooking for you and presenting you with all sorts of food.. and that's only breakfast!
Oh well.. to the gym I must head - more than usual..

This worry I have on me now is also cuz I have a secondary school reunion to attend in about 3 days! Help!
Ok, am not really bothered about looking `wider' than I was say..20 years ago - the duration of time I have not seen most of those people.., but also cuz despite my shortcomings I will be bringing with me - married but with no children.. I just basically want to look good.. haha.. Vain? Let's just say I want to go there feeling confident.. and I must look the part by losing some kilos..
Will I be able to do it in 3 days?

Ok, realistically maybe I can't. Whatever.. I'm going to meet old friends.. and in 20 years everyone will have `aged and expanded' as much as I have.. :D Am sure I'll find it hard to recognize some faces, but I hope it'll be a good meeting. And I'll try not to feel inferior or upset that some people have 5 kids or such when I have none still.. (though I know the common questions will be asked - anak berapa dah?.. oh takde anak lagi?.. berapa lama dah kahwin?) :p

So hope this reunion will be fun and not awkward.. And that I will forget about my `lumpiness' and all.. and be happy to catch up with old friends.. :)

Friday, December 10, 2010

under the weather

I think I'm one of those people who rarely get sick, praise be to Allah for that.
Yet when I do fall sick, it happens usually during the weekends or a long holiday like right now.
Mind over matter. That's what I tell myself when I refuse to give in to my `helpless' condition..
If not I'd not be able to get things done.

Yet of course our body needs to rest. Needs to heal. So rest we must.. and with that, I bid farewell for a while until I get back to my normal self.

Abdullah r.a berkata, Rasulullah bersabda:

“ tidak ada seorang muslim yang ditimpa cubaan berupa sakit dan sebagainya melainkan dihapuskan Allah taala dosa-dosanya seperti pohon kayu menggugurkan daunnya.”

God willing.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

new year

1 Muharram 1432H
a new day. a new year.

Happy New Year!

A time to:

Reflect on past behaviours and seek better ways to be better.. =)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

a place to go back to

Am sitting in front of my sister's laptop at my parents' house.
Blessed am I that my parents live only about 30 minutes away from my place (20 on days with less traffic).
This means I should have no excuse not to see them. Once a week. That's the most I can do actually, which is good enough.
Decided to sleep over here last night since I missed seeing them last week. Kinda like catching up on lost time. :)
A good idea I must say cuz so far we've had dinner and breakfast together.. after this, lunch!
No matter how old you get, going back to your home that once was.. is still the ultimate joy. Having had the privilege of being raised in several homes, I will always remember the places I grew up in.
Passed one of those places yesterday and it brought me back to a time when I was carefree and well.. young! Kinda feel sad that the house where I was born in has been sold- my grandmother's house. I guess when my late grandma started living with her children, no one was able to look after the house.. first it was rented out.. then sold. Hence I have no `kampung' to go back to anymore.. But I suppose the decision was made under best intentions.

So, wherever your parents are, that's your `kampung' to go back to. It's good to have a place to go back to. Where the history of the place is partly your history, the place you know you belong in and when you return to it, it gives you some sort of comfort and serenity you can't get elsewhere.

I think of the house I own now or maybe in the future (if I move), and hope that I too can make it into a place worth coming back to. Where one will feel comforted, loved and just happy to be home.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I can speak Malay

As one who teaches English, I try to avoid speaking in Malay with students.
I would say that 99.9% of the time, English is used in any lesson or conversation. It should be 100%, really.
On VERY rare occasions I use Malay, purposefully, to get a point across, and this in turn leads to peals of laughter from students.
Somehow that makes me feel embarassed. Like I've done something wrong. Or funny. Not.
But hey, I can speak in Malay of course, and they must surely know that that's the lingo used when not in teaching mode...

Anyway, as English has been such a big part in my life.. (I was already speaking fluent English since I was 4 and with a hint of British accent too!) and has been the reason why I went into teaching, I sometimes feel guilty of not enriching my Bahasa as well. I have not read a Malay novel since Form 5, I think! I read English newspapers. Listen to English speaking radio channels. Watch English movies. Buy English novels. Even cook western food more than Malaysian food..Even my blog posts and facebook statuses are most of the time in English. Hmm.., I could be accused of leading such an `English' life!

Yet, I do still enjoy listening to Malay songs.. I do watch Malay dramas, I of course love Malay food.. I wear the Malay traditional baju kurung throughout most of the year, goreng pisang is top on my list of afternoon delights and I would like to name my future children with Malay names like Melati or Melor.. ;)

All in all, going back to the point of this post.. I realize I should take the time to give more attention to the Malay`ness' of things in my life.. starting with language maybe. I harp on students to understand the culture of a society in order to be more attune to the language they use. So, I may need to go back to basics again and appreciate my own mother tongue once more.

Ok, my Malay is a little rusty I think so don't laugh.. Here goes..

Catatan kali ini sebenarnya telah diilhamkan oleh kata-kata seorang anak murid yang berkata baru-baru ni : 'peliklah dengar teacher cakap Melayu'.. Apa yang peliknya kan.. sebenarnya memang itu bahasa kita..

Kalau tidak kerana tugas sebagai guru Bahasa Inggeris, mungkin BM akan digunakan sepanjang masa.. Hakikatnya, telah lama bahasa itu ditinggalkan dan mungkin tiba masa untuk menggunakannya semula - paling kurang pun dengan membaca bahan dalam bahasa.. hehe.. ok tak?

Ok, does reading my thoughts in Malay sound weird too compared to hearing me say it?

I will try to love Bahasa Malaysia and appreciate it. So I'm ending my post this time with 2 Malay poems/ pantun:

Tingkap papan kayu bersegi
Sampan sakat di Pulau Angsa
Indah tampan kerana budi
Tinggi darjat kerana bahasa

Cuaca gelap semakin redup
Masakan boleh kembali terang
Budi bahasa amalan hidup
Barulah kekal dihormati orang

Sehingga bertemu lagi di lain masa.. :D

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