Saturday, February 13, 2010

the aftermath

My 2 year struggle to complete my masters ended 2 months ago.. I must say all the hardwork + sacrifice : losing sleep, missing out important events, etc paid off when the results came out..:))

Yet its funny how lately that I seem to be missing it all.. the whole researching bit and the time spent doing it.. haha.. seriously? I actually craved (for a while) to continue learning and studying. Being a scholar again..

Anyway, now that it's over I can start focusing on other things.. such as.. time for myself and family.. and even more time for my students.. and time to write in this blog of mine.. That's good right? But why do I feel that it's not enough and that I need to be doing more with my time?

It's difficult to explain the feelings I have off late.. I guess what it is is me wanting to just do something to keep me occupied.. something that gives me some sense of worth.. of course besides giving time to my loved ones..

Probably I need a change of scenario.. like a focus, a hobby.. a change of job? A baby?.. Now that last suggestion is something I've kinda put behind me since the last time I wrote about it.. Not because I don't want it but cuz wanting it so bad has forced me to just forget it.. does that make sense? Sometimes I think I crave the busy life again so that I can forget about that.. So that I don't feel sad and am not reminded of what I don't have..

Its not all bad as it sounds.. Actually it's great that now I can read story books, chat longer online, spend time with family without having to think of work and just enjoy nights in front of the telly and weekends relaxing.. But there's a part of me that's waiting for something more to entice me..

I pray to God that I will not feel like this long and that I will be content with the life that I lead now, which by the way is a blessed life, Alhamdulillah...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

help

Today I decided to `help' a student of mine deal with his problems.. I don't know how much help I was and whether I was preaching more than trying to understand.. But it made me realize how strong I felt the need to help change someone. Can you really help change someone? I once tried doing that but failed miserably.. Change has to come from the person itself right? You can't help someone who doesn't try to help himself..
Some teachers would just give up on people who don't seem to be bothered. But I seem to want to take up this challenge in the hope that I will eventually help to change this person whose teachers all seem to be complaining about..
I'm not expecting miracles to happen. Still, one can hope and pray to see improvements. A friend told me not to be too hard on myself and expect to move mountains. Eventually students forget teachers and move on with their life so.. why bother? she said. But at least I tried something. And hopefully I'm not too late...