Wednesday, August 26, 2015

After midnight

It's past midnight and this headache (and some noises I'm hearing) aren't letting 
me fall asleep so easily and so for the past 15 mins or so I've actually been reading my past blog entries.. Talk about bedtime reading.. :p
Reading them made me realize I somehow have lost my writing touch and left this blog for too long that maybe I shouldn't claim that I own one!
But I plan to get it back.. Just like I plan (quite loosely) to get back the figure I had about 5 years ago. And so.. Fast. 

Watch this space.. 

And now back to counting some sheep.. 


Monday, May 25, 2015

Beauty within

 Couple of months ago in class I was talking to my students about how me and them were ages apart.. And how we are separated by a generation gap.. To their surprise (well, some of them) and to my surprise, they didn’t seem to think what I was saying was true.. And so that day went by in me being in a state of temporary happiness having been thought I was younger than my age! :p
When of course my dear I am beginning to feel the signs of aging and whatever else that comes with it. And so that is life.. one moment you’re looking up for beauty tips to clear up acne then the next minute you’re trying on anti-wrinkle cream or worse, using an ingenious app on your phone that transforms your picture into some flawless young version of you.. Not that I’ve tried any of the latter.. but I’m just saying..
Anyway my dearest Wawa, I pray Allah gives me the time and health to be there for you if you need any beauty tips in the future. I may not be able to look like your sister or a young and stylish mum by the time you reach that age where your looks matter, but at least I’ll be able to give you some sound advice.. ;)
The most important thing is to be beautiful all around.. especially inside. Have a kind heart, think good of others and always remain positive..
Whoever beautifies himself on the inside, Allah will beautify him on the outside.
-Ali ibn Abi Talib-

Friday, May 22, 2015


Today was a good day at school. In the usual fashion of teachers day celebrations, we teachers were put up on a pedestal and appreciated.. There were tears (from some including moi) during the speech by our deputy head - she always gives a killer speech - and then there was laughter and excitement during our performances! This time round all departments braved themselves to stage a show. Was fun! I think we're naturals.. haha. Not forgetting the cupcakes and hand made cards.. best part ever :)
In short, I think we made the students' day.

Picking up from what was mentioned in the speech was something that went like this: `teachers at *** don't breathe oxygen but it is the students who become the air they breathe'.. Wow. Really? Like really, really?.. Erm.. I suppose it is partly true. The moment you get to the college, the life you're leading there revolves around them. Teaching them, assessing them, scolding them, advising them, cheering them on, writing about them, talking about them... it's really an endless list. And that is simply the life we lead almost everyday from 8.00 to 5.00.. (some days 4..). And that is the life I have always cherished and loved.

Which is why I surprised myself when about 2 months ago I started imagining a life that involved me leaving this `teaching life' I've been leading for almost 16 years. Stemmed by a lot of reasons, one being getting to spend more time with you my dear, I played around with the idea. I imagined a much `freer' life with no punch clocks, no long drives back from work (since we have to go back late these days I get stuck in traffic jams!! ), no meetings, more time for you, more time for me, doing `other things' besides teaching i.e working from home.. etc...

Then I also had a moment of `clarity' and thought about how silly the idea would be to leave. To leave something I'm passionate about. Something I'm good at.. I thought about what it would feel to get out of the comfort zone I'm in. And go to a less `comfortable' place.. or maybe even a more comfortable place. And I thought, could I go through it? Would I eventually do it?

I don't have the answers yet. Maybe I just have to do it to find out. Maybe.

May Allah guide your Mama to the right path..

Till next time.  XOXO

ps/ you telling me a lot lately that you like it when I stay at home and not go to work adds on the pressure!.. :D

pss/ omg! After I wrote this post, I went browsing through my older posts, and discovered I actually wrote about this same topic 3 years ago.. lol.. Maybe I'm just going through a phase.. maybe.. arrgh!

Friday, May 15, 2015

I've missed you

I'm sorry. I meant to write.. But I've been busy living a life.. Hah. 
But seriously, I have..
Will come back to these shores soon. 

Wait for me!


Wednesday, December 31, 2014

to sum it up

It's that time of the year when everyone reflects on what the whole year has meant to them. On our part of the world, it's been pretty clear that 2014 has been a year of tragedies.. Even if I was not directly involved in any of the calamities, it's fair to say that nobody in our country has been left unaffected by the incidents.. 
Truly Allah is the best of planners and as Muslims we must believe that he gives us trials and tribulations so that we don't forget Him and so that we will learn from it.. It would just be a shame if we came out of these disasters not being educated on the beauty that lies within the mess..
On a personal note with you dear Khadeeja,.. Mama has learned (and is still learning) the art of patience. As much as I think one of the solutions is for you to have a sibling (if only it were that simple), I'm happy to be the one playing with you and hearing you talk.. Boy you can say a lot these days you smarty pants.. ;) You can tell me stories, sulk, be cheeky (very) and demanding all at once.. The only thing I haven't been able to help you with yet is potty train you... And that will be a story for another post.. 
And so I bid this year goodbye and hope that 2015 will be a year of growth, healing, forgiving, caring, nurturing and all good things for us and mankind.. 
And I hope I won't abandon this blog that long too!
Have a happy new year everyone!


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

pit stop

Gosh. It's been months. Such a cliche statement that I just had to start this way. The thought of writing has crossed my mind a dozen times and you have no idea how much I've been constructing things to say in here but.. to no avail :( 

As usual I'm squeezing in time. You're happily playing in the bath tub right now while I'm tapping my fingers on this phone and having one eye on you at the same time.. I call this multi-tasking ;) 

But now you're demanding I show you something on my phone.. So I'll continue writing in my mind and get back to focusing on you.. �� 


Ps/ because you like green :)

Friday, August 22, 2014

As I leave on a jet plane

When I was a student at Uni, my late grandmother, on seeing me off to the UK almost every summer, would often sigh and maybe even cry while saying 'when will we meet again..? Will we ever get to see each other..?' Of course she'd say this in her Negeri Sembilan accent and I'd say nice things to stop her from tearing up..  At that time I knew she was referring to her old age and thinking of time that was running out for her.

I guess I was no different too often thinking of death whenever I boarded the plane and when it was taking off.. Then a few minutes later all would be forgotten when the plane started cruising on a certain altititude and the nice cabin crew served drinks and food and later I watched a movie or two. It was all happy thoughts of that moment and of the anticipation of returning to studying in England, my second home ;) But then when the plane went into air pockets and shook I'd grab my seat and feel my heart jumping and lurching for a few seconds.. and start thinking of the things you shouldn't think on board a plane..

Death is inevitable. I think about it a lot sometimes. But sometimes only to lament the same things as how my grandmother used to do it.. Maybe not out aloud, but I say it in my mind at times. I also pray that Allah grants me a peaceful death that allows me to say His name as I leave this life..

The thing is we don't know the when and the how. We only know that it will happen.

My grandmother lived a good number of years even after I finished studying in the UK. She got to see me get married and welcomed a number of grandchildren (sadly not mine) and maybe great grandchildren too I think.. When she passed away I got to see her for one last time in the hospital and even though at that time she was unable to respond, she heard what I had to say to her and tears trickled down her face. May Allah bless her soul..

So as with the fact that we don't know when we will die, we also don't know sometimes if we ever get to say goodbye. And that part sometimes can be the most heartbreaking.

But trust in Allah my dear that He is the best of planners and that He is the all-knowing.. We may not know of the last day of our life but at least now we should make full use of the present time and be prepared to face the next stage of our life, the after life, whenever it may be.

At the time that I'm writing this, the whole country is weeping for the lives lost in the tragedy of MH17.. Yet in times like this it has taught us that truly there are blessings in calamities. I am in no way suggesting that I understand how the families are feeling but I would like to say that they are truly blessed. For today and for many more years to come God willing, the victims will always be remembered and thousands of people will have led a prayer for them, will have shed a tear for them and would continue to pray for them and their families..

But how will it be for us?